Supporting Clients LET GO of Addictive Patterns
We all have addictive behaviours; whether its work, food or alcohol, TV, facebook, gossip or even constantly falling into victimhood.
It is so easy to slide into a bad habit, or unhealthy routine that isn't supporting your wellbeing.
As a therapist who plays various roles in work; coach, advisor, healer, teacher I work with clients in a range of capacities. But I have always found the most valuable gift you can pass on to a client is the wisdom or skills that support them into healthier changes. SUPPORTING the client to make that change into INDEPENDANCE and EMPOWERMENT from dis-empowerment, dependency or victimhood. So often the client hands over control to the therapist or healer in a god like grandoise where the client inflates our ego and puts us in a pedal stool where we don't belong. And sometimes unconsciously the healer encourages it. Clients can completely expect us the healer to FIX them, CURE them, magically banish their perceived STRUGGLES away, another addictive pattern where they continue to take no responsibility or ownership for their life or they way the deal with their presented challenges.
Equally a client who moves from therapist to therapist, healer to healer can be another addictive pattern some clients fall into, never sticking long enough to one thing or constantly expecting someone else to do the work. That is why it is important we give responsibility back to the client. And ask the client why they have anxiety, stress or dis-ease in their mind, body, emotions? What in their life needs attendance or needs to let go? As there is often the cause of their anxiety, stress, depression and dis-ease.
One very valuable skill is using soft socratic questioning on their habits and their daily routine, this can be very effective at helping them FIND the reason and the answer. Even asking simple questions around their daily routine, sleeping or eating habits such as do they stay up late glued to TV or facebook, do they need that chocolate bar or glass of wine every need they believe they have had a hard shift, or are constantly rushing, so grab something when they remember. What is their hobbies, is it around alcohol, shopping or maybe the gym or is work is where they spend most of their time.
Increasing AWARENESS on their unhealthy addictive habits which they don't even recognise or refuse to face is one of the first most important steps. Shining the light on the shadow part of ourself, where we dont want to look at is actually where true healing starts. We all use these distractive and often destructive patterns to hide our pain, our shame, our loneliness, our rejection, our fear.
But the most important aspect is to fully ACCEPT it, FACE it. As a healer or therapist that can involve suppporting the client to face the problem. Then do what we can to support them in ways to let go of the old habit that are corroding their quality of life.
Simply encouraging the client to CHANGE their routine can be very highly effective. I worked as a laser therapist/counsellor for smoking and drug addiction. When someone was giving up smoking, one of the suggestions was to encourage the client to change their daily routine, if they normally had a cigarette with coffee before getting washed, breakfast etc we would encourage them to get washed and dressed, sit at breakfast perhaps in a different seat, not to have coffee but another drink to break the connection. Addictions are often reinforced habits so its important to break any correlations. So as the say a change is as good as a rest and definetly can be therapeutic ;-)
One of the biggest things I came to realise over the last few years after being a working therapist for over 15 years is, it's not always about being very caring and sensitive but it also about putting clients up to a mirror in a safe, supportive way and to truly help them see why they aren't happy or as healthy as they should be. Most of us kid ourselves on and are not truly honest with ourselves never mind anyone else. If you create a supportive space, where your main aim is to help EMPOWER your client to change and they want and are willing to do the work, amazing, powerful things happen. But this also involves having the courage to face your own demons, so you can be authentic with your clients.
I used to think that one of the most important skills as a therapist was other than the client feeling supported and listended they had to like me. But years later I realise in the type of work this isn't always conducive there isa fine light with being supportive and caring and a client not recognising the difference that you are their therapist not their best friend. I now do a lot of fast track intensive work, that helps the client access a lot of deep stuff rapidly, this involves a very firm, honest and direct approach. Which yes as a sensitive nurturer I don't always feel 100% comfortable as I am still letting go of being at leats 40 odd years as a people pleaser.
But I believe my role is to first and foremost to do NO HARM, to always work with integrity and honesty and provide my client with the most effective therapy skills that I can use or teach that will help EMPOWER rather than DIS-EMPOWER.
